Ask Bonnie

Source:
National Association for the Education of Young Children (3-5 years)

It’s been known for more than 100 years that a child’s emotional life strongly influences his interpersonal relations, behavior, and learning. Recent research underscores the importance of the early childhood years as a critically important period for the development of future mental health and self-esteem. Children with a healthy sense of self-esteem feel that the important adults in their lives love them, accept them, and would go out of their way to ensure their safety and well-being. Low self-esteem (feeling unwanted, unloved, and unaccepted) can often lead to learning disabilities, disciplinary problems, and depression later in life. Following are some essential elements for what young children need for healthy emotional development.

Commitment
Every child needs at least one reliable, responsive adult who is connected to and available to them for the long term. Without this, children are unlikely to learn to trust, or suffering the anguish of broken trust, learn not to trust again. This creates permanent damage in their ability to develop productive relationships, possibly including relationships with child care professionals and teachers. In addition, a child who lacks an adult to count on and to comfort her doesn’t feel lovable and may not behave “lovably.” Because she has never experienced and absorbed compassion, she has none to give. A warm and caring adult can sometimes tip the balance between a child who learns and a child who learns to fail.

Communication
Communication is the vehicle for intellectual development, exchanging information, sharing feelings, and developing strong emotional bonds. A parent or family member who chats encouragingly with a child about many of the things he’s doing, thinking, and feeling enhances the child’s language development, and helps him build confidence in his independence.

Boundaries
Reasonable and reasonably consistent limits help a child feel safe, feel like a good person, and feel likable. Usually, a child will not strive to meet the standards set by adults, will not curb her urgent impulses, and will not bother to make the extra effort, unless those standards are achievable for her developmental stage, she understands the limits, and she likes and respects the adult.

Appreciation
A child’s sense of self-worth is more likely to deepen when adults respond to the child’s interests and efforts with appreciation rather than just praise. Excessive praise or flattery may raise doubts in children, and many will dismiss an adult who heaps on praise as one who is not very believable.

Coping strategies
You can help a child develop and maintain healthy self-esteem by helping him cope with difficult situations. Coping strategies include sharing, managing anger, resolving conflict, and dealing with stress. During times of disappointment or crisis, a child’s weakened self-esteem can be strengthened if you let her know that your love and support remain unchanged. When the crisis has passed, you can help the child reflect on what went wrong. The next time a crisis occurs, she can use the knowledge gained from overcoming past difficulties.

Modeling
Essential for social learning, positive, competent, and effective role models teach children about the importance of becoming productive and caring individuals.

It takes time to nurture children. They require lots of leisurely time with loved ones and with others who enjoy them. Parents, child care professionals, and teachers can play an important role in strengthening children’s self-esteem by treating them respectfully, taking their views and opinions seriously, and expressing appreciation to them.

Make 15 minutes go a long way. Try these quick reading activities with your younger kids.

1. License to read. On car trips, make it a game to point out and read license plates, billboards, and interesting road signs.

2. Better than TV. Swap evening TV for a good action story or tale of adventure.

3. Look and listen. Too tired to read aloud? Listen to a book on tape and turn the book’s pages with your children. You’ll still be reading with them!

4. Labels, labels, labels. Label things in your children’s room as they learn to name them. Have fun while they learn that written words are connected to everyday things.

5. Pack a snack, pack a book. Going someplace where there might be a long wait? Bring along a snack and a bag of favorite books.

6. Recipe for reading. The next time you cook with your children, read the recipe with them. Step-by-step instructions, ingredients, and measurements are all part of words in print!

7. Shop and read. Notice and read signs and labels in the supermarket. Back home, putting away groceries is another great time for reading labels.

8. Your long-distance lap. Away on a business trip? Take a few books with you, call home, and have your child curl up by the phone for a good night story.

9. A reading pocket. Slip fun things to read into your pocket to bring home: a comic strip from the paper, a greeting card, or even a fortune cookie from lunch. Create a special, shared moment your child can look forward to every day.

10. A little longer? When your child asks to stay up a little longer, say yes and make it a 15-minute family reading opportunity.

Criteria to Use for Evaluating a School for Your Gifted Child

Many parents of gifted children wonder if their local school will be able to provide an appropriate education for their children. Should they stick with the local school? Look for a private school? Quite often a parent will assume that a private school is better than a public school. However, that is not necessarily true. Gifted children need a special environment, as does any special needs child, and it’s important for parents to understand what to look for in a school, whether it’s private or public.

Whether your child is already in school or about to start, you will want to evaluate what it has to offer. In order to do that, you need criteria. The elements described here are the elements of a good gifted program. Use them as criteria for evaluating any school you are considering for your child.

Philosophy and Goals
What is the philosophy and what are the goals of the program? Are the goals similar or different for different ages? If they are different, what are the differences and why are they different? Gifted children are gifted for life. They start out gifted and end up gifted. As a result, they have similar academic needs throughout their school years. Any differences in goals should be based on age-appropriate differences in instruction, but those differences should be based on what is appropriate for gifted children.

Acceleration and Enrichment
Acceleration refers to the speeding up of instruction. Gifted children are fast learners and require little repetition of information. Enrichment refers to the increased depth of study of a particular topic. It extends the regular curriculum. Both are needed in some form.

Multiple Options
Is the program a “one size fits all” program or are there various options for the different needs of the different types of gifted children? A profoundly gifted child has significantly different educational needs than does a mildly gifted child, for example. In addition, a child may be exceptionally gifted in math, but not in language arts. Multiple options are essential.

Student Learning Expectations
What are the students expected to learn by the end of the program session? Learning outcomes must be clear. The students may have fun, but they must also learn something new. Any child could participate in fun activities, but a gifted program should be one that is designed specifically for gifted children.

Challenging Curriculum
Gifted children need a stimulating curriculum. Without it, they can “tune out,” losing interest in school. A curriculum for gifted children should require them to stretch their minds.

Flexibility
Flexibility is needed in order to respond to the needs of individual gifted children. Rigid adherence to the system often prevents some gifted children from appropriate challenges. For example, a gifted 3rd grader may have mastered 6th grade level math. That child does not need to complete third grade math assignments. A school needs to be flexible enough to consider options for that child’s math instruction. Another possibility is a gifted child musician. A junior high student with exceptional talent playing the violin could be allowed time off from school to take advantage of opportunities to study with exceptional violinists or take part in special musical programs.

Sound Identification Process
Multiple assessment procedures should be used to determine which children would benefit from placement in a gifted program. Every effort should be made to include children who are frequently overlooked. These children include LD gifted, underachievers, and children from under-represented groups, like economically deprived and minority children. Too often schools rely on one test, usually a group test, or simply teacher recommendations for identification.

Staff Development Plan
Teachers who have been trained to work with gifted children are much more effective than those who have not. Do the teachers who work in the gifted program or teach the gifted children have gifted endorsements? Does the school have regular in-service sessions about gifted children?

Guidance Component
Gifted children often feel isolated or “different.” They sometimes don’t feel like they fit in socially with the other children. They also can be very sensitive and have a harder time than other children dealing with the day-to-day stress of school or growing up. The guidance can be individual or group guidance.

Honoring Academic Talent
Schools must honor all talent areas in the same way athletic talent is honored. For example, pep rallies can be held for academics and artistic talent as well as for sports. Groups of students often participate in the Science Olympiad or local and state band competitions, and pep rallies could be held for these. Names of achievers can be listed or announced in the same way sports heroes are listed and announced.

The more of these criteria a school meets, the better it will be for your child.

by Carol Bainbridge

When children perform below average in school, educators and parents may believe the best course is for them to repeat a grade. Research, however, indicates that this choice is often a mistake.

A study conducted by the University of Georgia, involving over 11,000 students, concluded that repeating a year had a negative effect on performance. In fact, students tended to fall further behind during their second year in the same grade. Studies on children held back for reasons such as immaturity have shown similar results.

Held-back children are 20 to 30 percent more likely to drop out of school when compared to low achievers who are allowed to move to the next grade level. The National Association of School Psychologists’ 1991 position on this subject states, “Retention can negatively affect achievement and social/emotional adjustment.”

Weighing the options

In recent years, the President, governors, and business leaders have come out strongly against “social promotion,” the practice of passing students on to the next grade whether or not they are ready. Certainly it doesn’t seem right to expect a child to move to harder material before he or she has mastered basics. But because of the evidence indicating many children will continue to fail if held back, parents must weigh all the options carefully and be very involved in the decision.

If a teacher suggests that your child be retained, ask for concrete reasons. What are the problem areas: gross or fine motor skills? Social interactions? Emotional behaviors? Test scores? Are these skills likely to improve by repeating a grade?

Request an evaluation of your child. Many children who have other difficulties, such as a visual or hearing impairment, a learning disability, an emotional problem, or a stressful home environment, would benefit from special services, not retention.

Know your rights. In your school district, who makes the final decision — you or the school? If the school, what is the appeal process if you disagree?

Finally, support your child at home. Consider alternatives. Would a tutor make a difference, or a stress-releaser — such as sports, painting, or a children’s club? Talk together about school problems. Involving your child in solutions can create the best chance for success.