Ask Bonnie

I would like to think that chivalry is still alive and kicking, and that manners are still a socially accepted behavior, no matter what era you were brought up in. Most of us were taught please and thank you since we were knee high to a grasshopper, but somewhere along the way we tend to forget ourselves, and exhibit bad manners in one way or another. Is it possible to humanize others while refreshing ourselves on good manners by overcoming the rude habits and nasty dispositions of other’s by attempting to remain civilized through an unavoidable ordeal? I would like to think that people learn by example, and that it most certainly goes both ways. After all, one good deed or act of chivalry can often lead to another.

Highly annoying habits and just plain bad manners can come in the form of everything from using the telephone and the computer to dining out in public and just dealing with people and the public in general. “The customer is always right” died years ago, right along with ignorant people that plow their way into the express lane that plainly states “10 items or less” with their heaping grocery carts filled to the brim with six of each item that the store sells. At this point you are faced with either, blowing your top, praying that the sales clerk speaks up, or stepping in front of the offender while bringing it to their attention that they are over the limit. I mean, what is the worst that can happen? Dirty looks, a cat fight, or a highly annoying habit being brought out into the open? I am not sure that I want to test the water with this one, so I will continue to deal with the rude people of the world, while secretly counting to ten along with shooting daggers into the back of their head.

I have noticed that there are still a few people out there that will hold open a door for someone else, and I have also witnessed mannerly people getting knocked down to size by highly annoying ill-mannered people that appear to have come straight from the barnyard. I am a true believer that good manners should never go out of style, but instead refresher courses need to be shown to the ignorant people that pretend that they do not exist anymore. With this in mind I have listed the top annoying habits that really get to me, and they are in no particular order.

Buffets

They have stacks of clean plates sitting readily available for your convenience, so then why do people insist upon loading up their dirty plates after round one at the buffet? This is gross, highly annoying, and just plain rude. Nobody, I repeat nobody wants to eat something that you have dipped into, especially after you have allowed the serving utensil to touch you’re already eaten off of plate. Use common sense and grab a new plate, that’s what they are there for.

Eating

Smacking, snorting, growling, grunting, belching, licking the plate, nibbling on your fingers while making sucking noises, and talking with your mouth full of food will not earn any rewards. Put your animal instincts away, along with your caveman tendencies and eat like a human that has a shred of dignity still intact and quit grossing out the world!

Store Aisles

Do not leave your buggy in the middle of the aisle while you are making up your mind between brands a & b. Do not walk directly, and as slowly as possible in the middle of the aisle. Move to the side of the aisle so that faster paced walkers or grocery carts can get by, and before turning corners in the store, look ahead and make sure that nobody is coming, especially if you are a speed demon with a buggy.

Borrowing Money from Friends or Relatives

If you owe someone money, pay them back all of it, and on the date that you promised. It shows good character and sets a precedent should the roles be reversed. If you owe a friend or relative a large amount of money, you should be the one to make contact and suggest an acceptable payment plan. If you can’t come up with the money, then be honest about it. They are not a credit card company or a bank, and you could be hurting their finances by not paying them back in a timely fashion.

E-mail

Including hundreds of e-mail addresses from Aunt Bessie to your next door neighbor in the To: field. These people do not know each other, and more than likely they do not want their e-mail passed around to every Tom, Dick, and Harry on the planet. This is a serious breach of privacy when you expose your contact’s e-mail addresses to strangers and, you will probably be viewed as rude, so don’t do it!

Farting

I find it hard to believe that anyone would have the guts to openly fart in public, but they do, and some are even proud of the noise or the nauseating smell that they have shared by processing it through the air. This is most definitely wrong to do to others in enclosed places like elevators or small and poorly ventilated rooms. Once again, go to the bathroom to do your business, and no I do not want to pull your finger!

Dirty Feet
When people walk barefoot outside on the sidewalk or on the street…..like for example….your neighbors and then they want to come inside your home—-ug!!!

When People Don’t call and say thank you after having them over for a dinner or a party.

When people cut you in line either in a store or in your car on the road,and they think they could get away with it.

Children with dirty finger nails.

When people don’t give you your personal space and talk right in your face.

When a parent brags about their child and you didn’t even ask about them.

Channel your second-grade teacher and playfully give out gold-star stickers to all the people in your life — young and old — who somehow make your day a little easier.

If you know someone is going out to dinner to celebrate a special occasion, call the restaurant in advance and say you’ll pick up the cost of her wine or dessert.

When someone is moving to a new city, supply friends and family members with stamped, preaddressed postcards. (Hand them out at the going-away party.) By the time the family pulls into the new driveway, there will be warm wishes awaiting them.

When you run across a newspaper or magazine article you think someone you know would find interesting, take a moment to clip it out. Attach a Post-it note that reads “Thought you’d enjoy” and drop it in the mail. This takes less time than writing a letter, but the gesture still shows the other person you’re thinking about her. Laura Noss, who owns a public-relations firm for nonprofits in San Francisco, says her father, who lives in Cleveland, does just that. “It means so much that when he’s reading something, he’ll rip it out, fold it, attach a message, put the postage on it, and send it to me,” she says. “I save almost all of them.”

Similarly, when a young person in your hometown does something to merit a mention in the newspaper (the high school quarterback saves the big game in overtime or your neighbor gets elected student-body president), clip out the photo and article and send it to the person’s family. Chances are, they’ll want to collect every copy they can. (One notable exception: the police blotter.)

If you travel a lot on business, record yourself reading your children’s favorite bedtime stories; they can listen to your voice as they flip through the book. Finish each night’s reading with a countdown of the days until you’re back home with them.

Every day for a year, jot down one thing you love about your child/husband/friend (he has a crooked smile; she snorts when she laughs). At the end of the year, give the person your one-of-a-kind, 365-item list.

When you develop photos from a vacation or a major life event that an elderly relative missed, get an extra set of prints and send them to her.

When guests are leaving, escort them to their car, not just to the front door. If you’re driving someone home, wait until she’s inside the house before you pull away.

Hide messages for your family to find throughout the day, like “Thanks for doing a load!” in the dryer, or a silly joke in your child’s lunch box.

If someone you know is going through a difficult time, call to let her know that you’re thinking about her, but make sure your message doesn’t leave her with a sense of obligation: “Just wanted you to know I’m thinking about you, but don’t worry about calling me back.” When a friend was being treated for breast cancer in a hospital outside her home state, Sandy Donaldson, a community-relations coordinator in Newport News, Virginia, rented her friend a beeper and entered the names of the woman’s friends in its contact list. Whenever her friend got beeped, she could look and see who was sending kind thoughts her way. “The only rule was that she was not allowed to call anyone back,” says Donaldson, who didn’t want her friend to feel any more burdened during her illness.

When a neighbor is grieving, leave a basket on her front porch, filled with blank thank-you cards she can send to people who have brought flowers or made donations.

When stocking up on school supplies, pick up a few extras and give them to your child’s teacher to pass on to students whose families might not be able to afford them.

Donate two tickets to a major sporting or theatrical event to an organization like Big Brothers Big Sisters. That way, a Big Sis can take her Little Sis to something out of the ordinary that she otherwise might not be able to afford.

The most offensive airline behavior is incessant talking.
That’s the word from Cheapflights.com, which polled 2,000 travelers to find out their airline etiquette pet peeves. And if you’ve ever been on a non-stop flight with a non-stop talker seated next to you, you’ll no doubt agree. Coming in next were rapid seat-recliners, arm rest hogs, carry-on luggage abusers and seat back grabbers.

The most annoying airline behaviors:
- Incessant Talker, chatters non-stop: 23 percent - Rapid Recliner, wheels up, in your lap: 20 percent - Arm Rest Hog, elbow wrestling, you lose: 12 percent - Carry-on Champ, bashes bags left and right: 12 percent - Seat Back Grabber, grabs your seat to get up: 11 percent - Who Me?, yes, you; turn off your cell phone: 10 percent - Flight DJ, iPod loud enough for all: 3 percent - The Boozer, unscheduled landing anyone?: 3 percent - Mad Bladder, quaff-n-go maniac: 1 percent

What’s the important takeaway for travelers?
“The next time you are in a window seat, don’t feel so bad about asking your fellow aisle-mates to move so you can get to the lavatory. Just don’t grab the person’s seat in front of you as you get up and on your way,” said Carl Schwartz, director of marketing for Cheapflights.com.

What can travelers do to avoid future airplane etiquette violations?
“Considering that incessant talkers and rapid seat recliners accounted for nearly half of poll responses, it seems that these are by far the most intolerable offenses to fellow travelers. Refraining from these two activities alone will go a long way in creating a more pleasurable flying experience for everyone,” Schwartz said.

Let’s Clear Up the Confusion

I hope that this tip will benefit hosts throwing a party or get-together and also the guests alike, because there seems to be a lot of confusion about the meaning of the above term.

I hear more and more often, and have found in my personal experience, that hosts often do not receive firm indications whether guests plan to attend their parties, even if R.S.V.P. is clearly printed on the invitation. This could mean either one of two things. First it could mean that rudeness is a growing trend in our society. Or, as I would prefer to believe, people no longer understand what the term means. Assuming the best, and that the decline in R.S.V.P.’s can be attributed to ignorance and not rudeness, I will clarify this for the record. (more…)